---
date: '2026-01-11'
description: into you.
id: dream
layout: letter
modified: 2026-06-05 15:08:09 GMT-04:00
signature: AP
tags:
  - poetry
  - love
title: falling
created: '2026-01-11'
published: '2026-01-11'
pageLayout: letter
slug: posts/dream
permalink: https://aarnphm.xyz/posts/dream.md
generator:
  quartz: v4.6.0
  hostedProvider: Cloudflare
  baseUrl: aarnphm.xyz
full: https://aarnphm.xyz/llms-full.txt
---
<pre data-codeblock="poetry" class="poetry" data-language="fr">Asleep—
 I'm you
 I think of you
 I dreamt <del>about</del> you
 I dreamt you
    into a dimension where

  oh wait
  your face was
   doing the thing where
   the thing where i can't
  your mouth was moving
    but the sound was
  your mouth was...

  Your
      smile...
      dancing onto my cheeks

  i woke up and the sheets
    the sheets were the temperature of
  just
   me
   and me—
   the specific thermal signature of
   1 mammal
   1 beating heart
   one breathing pattern
   one

  i used to know what my voice sounded like
   when you were in the room

  i used to

***

Behind—
 the phone stays silence
 the phone doesn't vibrate
 the phone doesn't
 the phone

<span class="diff-del">  then caught myself rehearsing</span>
<span class="diff-add">  —— caught myself reminiscing</span>
    a conversation
    that we had
    out loud
    in the kitchen
    at 0300

  and then i caught myself catching myself
  and then I

  the recursion keeps on going
   until OOM is reached
  the recursion goes
  the recursion
  the

    my adrenal glands can't tell the difference
    between a tiger
    and an empty bed
    and an empty bed
    and an empty

    i am so tired of the
    i am so tired of
    watching myself want
    watching myself watch
    watching myself

i'm a sick man
i'm a spiteful man
i'm insufferable
i'm joyful
i'm good
good
g.

***

Down—
  "i am the arrow,"
  "the dew that flies suicidal,"
  "at one with the drive"
  "into the red eye,"
  "the cauldron of morning."
  you loved her.
   i know that for sure.
   the vibration
   the vibrato
   the prose

  maybe that's why I still keep those
   words in my head.
    that's why I carry them with me
    everywhere.
i think of Plath
 when i think about you.
i'm calibrated now.
    could be touched now and
  i could be touched now and not
  i could be

that's the joke (you get it right?)
(you get it?)
(

***

Falling—
  January is already two weeks in.
  two weeks as in.
   my apartment have been cleansed
   cleansed of all nothingness
   cleansed of all being-in-the-world
   and now i'm on the endurance race
    the next-long-five-isolation
     in the name of greatness
        the name of greatness
     i can hold my self now
      like the drawer withelding them socks
       from the gravitational pull
      functionally

   but

    i keep trying to go back to sleep
     bc on the other dimension
     bc you were there
     bc the computation happens
     bc

   i'm watching
   watching my self
   need
   ask
   for somewhere along the line
   for somewhere <del>along the line</del> at the bottom
    thinking there might be a person who just

    simply

    without

    but i can't reach

    i can't

    i

_sigh_</pre>

\[^sign\]